Anna In LA

Exercise and Food Diary

Friday, February 6, 2009

Is it independence or self-made loneliness?

I have so much to say tonight, for some reason.

Simon has been asking more and more if we could live together. There's just something that rubs me the wrong away about it, although I know many a happy couple who are living together and it has either led to marriage or lifelong partnership. Every time someone finds out I'm engaged, they are surprised to find out that we are not living together. Some of the more outspoken people come right out and say, "Do yourself a favor and live together at least a year before you get married." Others just make a little surprised noise, like, "eewoohh... well, good for you!" The Evangelical in me is still a little shocked at being confronted with the exact opposite value I was raised with. It's weird - I haven't seriously attended church in years but I'm still little priss when it comes to a few things.

Here are my reasons against it:

1. Loss of independence. I'm savoring my "singleness" by taking care of myself, doing what I want, making my own plans, etc. As it is, every time we hang out we end up lounging and watching DVDs. I still don't have many friends in LA, and I need to be a go-getter! Going on friend dates and such, build up the network of girlfriends DC has shown me that I need.

2. Chores. I don't have enough confidence in Simon's housekeeping abilities. I hate the thought of us both working demanding jobs but me doing more housework. It happens! It's sociologically documented and it's called a woman's "second shift."

3. This statistic I heard that couples who live together first are more likely to get divorced than those who just get married and then live together. I think this scares me a lot because it's so mysterious. Why does this happen? It's so counter-intuitive.

4. Everyone knows that if you live together first, the wedding presents aren't as good. (ha ha ha. but seriously. Everyone knows that).

5. Making my parents sad.

6. Making myself sad for not saving anything special for marriage.

7. I like the intentionality of our Wednesday date and our Saturday or Sunday date. I feel like maybe if we lived together we'd be lazy about our time together and count watching LOST and surfing on our laptops side by side as a date.

8. We spend money really differently. We've both agreed that when we get married, we'll combine our bank accounts. But for now, I'm not sure we could agree on a budget. He thinks its strange that I save money for "tithe" (since I hate church, this is basically just money to invest in an org. or charity). I think it is strange that he eats lunch out every day at work, even though his office kitchen is fully stocked. Drama.

I asked Simon for a moratorium on the request to live together until June, the month that I can move out of this house if I choose (I verbally agreed to 6 months here). Then we would re-evaluate the idea. I wonder how I'll feel in the summer time.


Blogger Digsy said...

I can't sleep!

thanks for sharing.

February 7, 2009 at 1:52 AM  

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